SO.
BODIES.
My best friend is pregnant and she gave me this neon purple space hooker bikini.
I f’ing love it.
Until I put it on.
And then I am just poking and prodding parts of myself to fit in this bathing suit clearly made for tiny human elves.
I’ve done a lot of work around this body. Being raised in a culture that has celebrated emaciated looking women (we’re evolving out of this).
I was raised with eating disorders all around me/in me.
I cured mine at 11, but the mentality and the visual dysmorphia still lingers in the background sometimes.
What I want, is for all people to be naked when they want to. No matter what you look like.
I want it to not be illegal, like in Spain, where no one is going to put you in jail under indecent exposure charges if you want to feel the ocean breeze on your nipples.
If it were uptown me and you want to wear a space suit to work and you work at Mcdonalds.
Go for it. Life would be so much more interesting.
People want us to look put together, want our physical appearance to MEAN something, to feel sensible, controlled, organized. When it only means what we have been conditioned for it to mean. And that varies across cultures and centuries.
When I say this people get triggered, give me all types of examples when it would be inappropriate to dress freely.
And I agree with certain boundaries.
If you’re working in the food industry- and your outfit gets in the way of you doing your job, or risks getting the food dirty then sure, wear something else.
There is a difference between being mentally disabled, and eccentric.
I want to show my body and have it not interpreted as me wanting something, doing something wrong, or being slutty or conceited.
This post alone was hard because I was haunted with the following garbage:
Who posts pictures of themselves on the internet??? (still having to work on this DIALY)
I’d rather never show this part of my psyche to anyone
Can I handle the non-ideal responses?
The guys I’m dating follow this account and well….this is kind of unwrapping the whole present for them lol
People are going to think I want attention (which means I’m vain and bad)
ALL THIS TO SAY. I’m posting this here because I really don’t want to.
I don’t know what you see.
For me, the picture on the left is how I actually look and the picture on the right is how I wish I looked.
I’m posting this here so that I can lean into the GARBAGE that still runs my perception.
I have never been happier than today with my body. Mainly because I don’t’ digest any ideas that it should be different.
I love being soft, I love being a woman, I love my curves and being healthy.
I used to hate all these things and want to be crazy thin.
WHY? It’s such a colossal waste of my time. I’d rather taste, feel, be in my life 1000 percent, and be naked when ever I want.
At the end of the day I post this because I’m committed to overcoming negative ways of thinking that limit my access to experiencing everything in life. So I offer this upto you. If it triggers, inspires you, feel free to share.
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