WHEN YOU TRIED TO GIVE ME A GIFT AND I SMASHED IT AGAINST MYSELF.
Remember the time you caught me looking
at myself in the reflection of glass
I was on top of you
Riding you naked in a bathtub
You would tell me later that you
Got a mirror for the room
Because you noticed
It was a turn on for me
To look at my self
While we fucked
If only
You’d known the truth
What I was doing wasn’t admiration
Turn on
Or sex
It was me making sure
Each
Part
Of
Me
Was
Perfect
For you
Tummy sucked
In
Tight
Just right
Back curved
Just right
An orchestra
Of deep
Purrs and moans
Decorating
The steam
Face lined
In
Pleasure
Like makeup
A face mask
Guaranteed
To make you love me
Or so I thought
Instead, you thought
What I saw in myself
Was beauty
Some beautiful
Part of you
believed
that’s what I was
looking at
Even when
You shared
Your innocent
Generous
Gift
I recoiled
Terrified
Of
What it meant
About me
If someone
Thought
I could ever
Be
pleased
With my image
Turned on
By it
Orgasmically
Driven by
My self?
Disgust
Drips off me
Like chains
As I rush
To explain
I could never be
Turned on
By my
Own body
Let me
Explain
I beg
More to
My self
Than him
I would
Never have
The audacity
To be…
Conceited
Cocky
Bitch
So free.
Full
of herself.
Cunt…
The meanings
That threaten
To lace me
That night
Define
My character
Wrap around me
Good and tight
I’m trying so
Hard
To get things
Right
That I miss
The opportunity
In sight
That you could
Have loved
Me so dearly
You thought it was
Logic
I would be
Turned on
By
My
Self
What wealth
12 years later
I finally begin to see
What you said
For so long
You saw in me
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