The first few times I did breathwork I had the most earth-shattering, intense, body releases of my entire life.

It felt like I had taken the most powerful ecstasy on planet earth.

Been massaged by cashmere hands.

Had the most rippling life-changing non-sexual orgasm of my life.

I felt lighter than I’d ever felt before.

I had never dropped into my body like that.

I had never experienced trauma release on a deep somatic level.

The contrast of my daily stressed out-numbed out life, to what I experienced in the breathwork session, was so immense that it felt like I’d discovered the answer to life itself and I could access it for free, whenever I wanted, anywhere on the planet.

I could teach it to people.

And they could do it for free forever too.

⚜️

For a little background,

When I first started trauma integration work-

I reached out to a coach

I began seeing him 2ce a week

And it changed my entire life.

I had reached out to him with the following common beliefs:

🌙 I’d been through too much and a lot of the damage was irreversible

🌙 I was too broken to ever be fixed

🌙 I had done all the work on myself I possibly could have- therapy, Landmark, read all the books on the planet on self-help, development, growth, NLP seminars, Tony Robbins, seen counsellors from school, gotten trained as a yoga teacher, became a nutritionist to heal from the inside...

None had worked.

Life still felt unintegrated.

I still had hard relationships all around me.

My relationship with work was painful & exhausting.

My relationship with boundaries was laughable (but at the time felt normal)

My relationship with purpose, money, worth- all centered around hard, endless, work and sacrifice

.

Well into the coaching experience, when I was stalling in making a decision that would have gotten me to where I am now MUCH faster, my coach asked me an earth-shattering question.

One I wouldn't understand a fully until recently.

.

He asked me what I enjoyed of the traumatic situations/ relationships I was co-creating in my life...

.

I was so beyond triggered.

Furious.

Skin burning off of my body angry.

It felt victim blamey. It felt crazy. It felt insensitive and wrong.

In my experience, a person going through horrible things, can't imagine choosing those things, can't imagine being an active co-creator of those things, can't imagine finding pleasure in those things.

This question feels like acid on the skin.

At least it did to me.

.

But now that I’ve lost access to a lot of that pain in my life- due to healing it and integrating it- I’m starting to think they were absolutely onto something.

The intensity with which a person feels can be superhuman. Especially a person who has been through a lot of trauma, or who is living it every day.

The lows are really low, the highs are really high. Risk is high, relationships are extreme (both in the good and the bad), inconsistency reigns (which can be quite exciting), chaos and harmony dance wildly and erratically.

Living an unintegrated life can stem from...

... unintegrated trauma

... not allowing important emotions like anger, grief, & fear in your life. To the extent that they compartmentalize somewhere in your unconscious psyche and influence you from there.

... not having approval for your desires

This just names a few.

The pleasure of the contrast between the good and the bad was most likely what my coach was pointing to.

The intensity with which you experience the most beautiful, earth-shattering, scary, pleasures and adventures vs. the most drastic, inconsistent, scarring, scary, possibly dangerous downfalls of a life in extremes- is exhilarating.

The truth is, a person who is used to surviving, might find a traditionally balanced life unnervingly boring.

They might shiver at the thought of having a day or a weekend not planned with a single thing (if they've ever even dared to experience a week with no plans).

A person who is used to experiencing extreme, passionate, burn-the-house-to-the-ground love and passion- might find a slow-building romance where you get to know each other softly over time unbearable, boring, void of emotion.

A person used to working at a high risk, high reward job, where someone needs something from them at all times with urgency, might find a balanced job with no urgency void of meaning and purpose and essentially soul-crushing. They may be used to the fast-paced adrenaline of stress, they might find time off is sooo nice since it's so limited.

See what I mean?

It's not the ACTUAL enjoyment of suffering.

It's more the access to the contrast of the very best in life to the very worst. The daily taste of success and failure, of having and losing, of being safe and being in danger.

It's exhilarating, it's exciting, it's terrifying, but it puts you right up close to what it is to be alive.

And from what I've seen, it's unsustainable.

Eventually, the coping mechanisms stop working. The drugs lose their effect, alcohol does nothing or starts taking its toll, the reckless relationships no longer bring any of the highs.

A life in extremes has no time to recharge.

There are no systems in place for pleasure, peace, care, energy to regenerate regularly.

So when your body has used all it's resources, not even stimulants can replace them.

So for all of you out there burnt out, or tired of living the life of constant extremes- reach out.

I offer 1-1 coaching.

I'm looking for people who want to live a life that inspires them every day

Who enjoy the good things but can't seem to get them regularly in their day-to-day

Who want to love with all their heart but can't seem to find people who can be trusted with that love

Who know there's more to live for but don't know how to get there

Who want to make an impact or be of service

Who care about humanity, who want to care for themselves

If you're one or all of these, doesn't matter, dm me for more information.

Sending you love,